so i started my day off by listening to a christian message in the tv which said to hit the restart button. the button which i had previously thought of because i was thinking about the voices. i kept thinking that the message was for me but it was unclear because there was no way i could hit my own reset button, so i diverted my attention to the voices. i diverted my attentions to "e" the name of the voice i named because she likes to say e a lot. the message was to let e know that she had to let go, and start fresh but she wouldn't listen she kept saying my money and that her mom was the one responsible. Anyways, i go back to sleep and have the weirdest dream that anyone had ever had. the dream was about a girl in what it seemed like to be in a commercial and saying the name of a letter like "D" i think. the girl was like a kid and she was dancing to this letter, and she had pony tails and a slim body with average height of that of a teenager. i then wake up and say what the heck was that dream about, just to hear the voices say go "kill yourself" and that they were kind of doing something like sharing a dream with me. out of all the argument between me and the voices i sensed that e was the one that got affected the most because of what i said. the major problem of all this is that i don't even feel like sleeping when i get like this, but my body doesn't want to keep on awake and my mind thinks about sleeping almost all the time. i keep asking myself what does these voices want with me, and why do they keep hurting me even though i keep showing love to them. i wish someone would tell me, i wish this was my restart button because i feel like I've done everything possible to leave e with the thought that she has to be loving and that sharing love is the only way she will get the approval of the people.
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